Everything I'm Not
by MsRainey
Summary: Cloti. Kinda. CloudxTifa. Tifa muses the differences between herself and the flower girl.


_Disclaimer: I don't own FFVII_

_A/N: I just want every one to know, I do NOT hate Aeris. I actually like her very much. I am just a bigger fan of Tifa. And to all my reviewers out there, you know I am a huge fan of Cloti, so this is not a Clorith! Hope you enjoy it, I tried keeping them in character and realistic for this story. _

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_She_ was everything she wasn't.

She was sickeningly sweet. She had beautiful features. Her hands weren't calloused. She made friends fast, trusted people easily, foolishly. She was the whole air of innocence. She had beautiful green eyes. Played the damsel much better than her for the "hero".

And yet, Tifa couldn't bring herself to hate her. She couldn't even bring herself to think about hating her. Because everything about her was genuine and loving. Pure and refined. Radiant and gorgeous.

Where as, she thought herself, timid and closed. Disaster and tomboyish. Weak and lost.

Tifa sighed as she watched her best female friend smile widely at her best male friend. The dagger drove deeper into her heart, selfishly twisting into the core, threatening to spill out hate and jealousy. She refused to let that happened and looked down at her plate of food, and acted like she hadn't seen the gesture.

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_She_ had everything she wanted.

Aeris and Cloud had gone to the Gold Saucer together. As in a date. And Tifa had stayed up in her room, looking down at her hands. They weren't nice like_ hers_. Tifa's eyes weren't a shining beautiful green. She thought they were dull and filled with false hope.

Watching as the two made their way to the Gondola from her window, she curled into a ball on her bed, but did not cry. She wouldn't let herself. She had to be strong for everyone. After all, that was what she was. She was the safety net for the group of rebels. The life jacket when one was giving up.

She hadn't planned on being a hypocrite. Telling everybody not to give up, when she already had. Making sure to keep everyone safe, when she spent no time protecting herself. Telling everyone to smile from the heart, when hers came from lies. Keeping everybody in check, when she couldn't even handle herself. Being jealous about them, when he wasn't hers to begin with.

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Tifa watched as the young ninja was teaching the Certa how to aim the conformer. She felt someone sit next to her and turned to see it was him.

"Hello Cloud."

He nodded. "Tifa."

She returned her view to the other females of Avalanche. After a few minutes, she glanced to see that he was staring at the ancient as well. That dagger twisted in her heart again.

"She is beautiful." She said, using her peripheral vision to see Cloud avert his gaze to stare at her. She cocked her head slightly to the side. "I wonder what it would be like to have grace and elegance like her."

She looked at Cloud and saw he had a slight frown on his face. She ignored it and kept talking. Her emotions were taking over her words tonight and she blamed it on the searing pain, twisting deep within the roots of her soul.

"Maybe if I could wield a staff, rather than just use a bunch of round kicks. Maybe if I had bright eyes, filled with light, rather than dark ones, filled with despair. Maybe if I could be a flower seller instead of a barmaid. Maybe if I could be more courageous, rather than shy. Maybe, I would be happier."

"Tifa-" Cloud didn't really like the way she was talking, and he was worried for her.

She interrupted him however.

"But, I don't think that would fit me very well. I've seen broken cities, broken families, broken homes. She's seen the slums, I suppose that is the same." She sighed. "I can't bring myself to envy her though. I... want to. But, she deserves to be that person. She deserves to be beautiful and inspiring. Not afraid and broken. She is a wonderful person, and for me to even say anything wrong about her... it makes me a horrible one."

"No."

She looked up at Cloud to see his face was hardened and he was frowning deeply.

"No," He repeated. "You're not horrible."

He knew she was having a hard time keeping her emotions carefully bottled up, and he wanted nothing more but to be the shoulder to lean on.

"You are beautiful and loving... You are gracious and amazing." He started off bashfully at first, but quickly realized it wasn't the time for hesitancy or shyness.

"Your eyes are filled with strength. Your smile is the only thing that makes my nightmares from our childhood lighten. You're you. You're Tifa Lockhart. My best friend. I don't – wouldn't – have it any other way."

She hugged him then, feeling the dagger slowly being removed. Cloud felt her tremble against him, and knew she needed time to find herself. It was rough, he knew.

Tifa had always been there for him. And now, he wasn't going to break his promise. He was going to be there for her as well.

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_Another attempt at angst for me! Don't hurt me!!!!_


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